It has been far too long!

I have thought often about writing in this blog over the past 2 months, but so many things have happened that it seemed impossible to steal some time.

My job as an Americorps has changed quite dramatically and with change, often what happens prior, is uncomfortable and difficult.

It is unfortunate that things had to happen in the manner that it did, and because of that manner, I almost severed my contract; however, the mission prevailed and I am still here, more or less as focused as I ever was.

It was important to me--as I considered my goals, not only for now, but for the next five years, what was it that I came from, what makes me happy and what do I want to spend the majority of my time working on--not just mindfully, but professionally.

For certain, I tend to skitter from topic to topic as if careers can be changed on a dime, but my roots or my craft are what they are and though I would like to sometimes ignore it, I am an educator.

I am a champion of the underdog, I want to effect change, create a difference, break up the old rules and dive into the new.

I was thinking this weekend that when I was in my late teens, as an early college drop out, I wanted nothing to do with "the establishment."  I wanted only to live "real life" and wanted to live in the "real world."  I had a damn good time doing that, but it wasn't long before I realized the systems that existed and that I wasn't pretty enough or talented enough or disciplined enough to broach the walls from the outside--thus, I would have to make change from the inside--from the bottom floor.

I have come a long way from those decadent and exciting days in Boston--modeling and drawing and working in restaurants--I will never forget when my elder brother did my taxes and marveled at the fact that I was living on $9,000/ year.

Well, with this Americorps job, I am making even less--if that's possible to live on, but because I am so blessed with a wonderful and supportive family and have an amazing fiance who loves me just as I am--I know while I am working in this little earning money, it is a calling that I could not refuse and it is something I think I'll be doing for the rest of my life.

Jobs that might not pay so much, but have some kind of focus and intention on helping the people, I had always wished would help me.

I want to be that role model, that I so desperately needed, because if I had that back then, imagine where I would've been now.....the very least I can do--because I am in a rather lovely stage of life, is to pay it forward for the next and next and next generation.