Character is Destiny

I'm not exactly sure where I first heard that saying, but it is definitely something that I believe and is something that I live by.  Character is destiny.  You (and your future) are your choices, and one always has a choice.

At a later point, I definitely want to spend time theorizing on destiny, fate and individual choice, however today, I really want to think about what the heck has just happened over the last month since I have written.

My role in my VISTA job has changed dramatically (again) and my being stung by a bee in my dreams last night was really an indicator of how my unconscious mind is registering this change.

I looked it up--and according to http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamthemes/bugs.htm when someone is stung by a bee in their dreams, it means they were wronged.

And wronged? Well, I guess that's really something to be determined.

Over the past few weeks, I was extraordinarily fortunate to join my fiance and his a capella quartet on their Australian tour.  It was a trip that I've been excited for -- for almost a year.  It was a trip that I prepared for at work for a month.  Getting my lessons ready for my 2 direct service sites, creating 3 workshops for 3 different 4-H educators, preparing the 4-H April Vacation with another 4-H educator, putting together the draft of the 4-H manual that my supervisor wanted, getting the brochure together for my supervisor's approval etc--- February was a busy, but fun month.

And when all that work had been submitted, I met with my supervisor at her home with her sick dog and dropped it off.  All seemed well, and I got on a plane to Australia feeling like, wow, I'm psyched to get back because I've got a lot of good stuff coming up.

The trip to Australia was amazing.  I will write more about that too--later, but I want to stay focused on the topic at hand.

After returning from the trip, my fiance and I essentially slept for 3 days and I mentally geared up to go home to VT and finish the last few months of my service.

The morning I was going back, I woke up to a text that said I had an unplanned meeting with my supervisor and my state boss the following morning at 9 am.

I had no idea what it was for and it had not been mentioned before, so I wrote back and asked my supervisor what the subject of the meeting was so I could be prepared for it.  Phone silence.  So I called my state supervisor and asked what was going on.  She said, so and so didn't tell you?  I replied no.  And it came to light that on the day I returned a meeting had been scheduled because I was going to get the ax.

The main reasons being, because I had taken too much time off and the draft of the manual was of "poor quality."

HWAT????

Of course I told my fiance immediately, was so sad to leave him after a month of bliss together, but even more so because of this latest drama with my supervisor.

After a long flight home and barely 2 hours of sleep, I arrived at my meeting in Montpelier.  My supervisor, who had previously tried to avoid the meeting was there and tried to establish the reasons why she wanted to let me go.

I asked her how she could actually think firing me based on the poor quality of my work was a valid reason-- since what I gave her was a draft and was also something that she gave me no feedback on in order to make it better quality.

She stuttered and turned red, but was ultimately unable to validate or quantify her reasons for firing me --she said she didn't want to argue, etc.  I agreed, I did not want to argue, but wanted to make it glaringly clear that she was firing me for personal reasons and didn't have a leg to stand on as for as terminating me for a authentic reason.

And then I had the dream of being stung by a bee last night.

Was I wronged?  Oh lordy, I think, in a multitude of ways.  Nothing in comparison to the old NYC days with the Tweedles and former principal, but I was ambushed on my first day back and let go.

However, something my unconscious hasn't completely registered yet is that, I think this is going to be for the best.

The choice I made was to resign.  I could've chosen to fight to stay, but I didn't.  I could've chosen to kiss her ass, but I didn't.  Which if I did, would've been a different destiny.

My destiny.

Who the heck knows what that includes and it seems like because I am so dang fragmented it has a potential explosive end--whether good or bad.  I remember -- an old chef in a restaurant I worked in before said, Kristy, you are a wild card.

And I used to really love that concept.

Over the years; I've come to think that really, a wild card is good or bad depending on the cards and circumstances that surround it.  In itself, intrinsically, it means nothing, really.  An ace can be high or low, favorable or a wrecker of a future.

I guess, then, I just need to make sure the circumstances and those things that I surround myself with are then, in my favor.

And to make sure that I am always true to my character and certain in my choices.

And, so far, and with this latest challenge, I am twice over.